The Sidewalk
by shika-kun506
Summary: Striving to find a purpose he fights against himself to back up, to move from the edge. But he just can't stay away. Will he find a reason? A reason to save his life? Suck at summaries, wasn't originally a story with an actual character but since I'm putting it on fanfiction...I guess it kinda has to haha Rated T because it has some possibly sensitive subjects. Might continue.
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

The Sidewalk

Looking down at the old cracked sidewalk, he wondered why he was here. Why he chose this path. This path that lead to almost certain death. Maybe by instilling doubt into his reasons, he could convince his inner demon to let him walk away. Walk away from this selfish senseless act. But the more he thought about it, the more he was reminded of his reason. The more he became secure in the pains of his past which brought upon this sickening desire.

All the days he spent alone that curiously never bothered him until he knew the feeling of companionship. The ache of being left behind, to walk out of his house and know that it didn't matter if he were late, because there was no one waiting. To be alone is nothing compared to the horror and confusion of being disowned. To be thrown away by the very people who once cared, or at least pretended to. Maybe they pretended because, somewhere inside, they wanted to care, or maybe it was due to an overwhelming pity they felt when they always saw him alone and one day, they realized he wasn't worth the disappearance of that pity. Yet he couldn't help feeling guilty for leaving the people that weren't there. For abandoning the friends he didn't have. And in that, he found his purpose.

So he took that walk down the steps of that tall building. An eternity seemed to pass until he finally reached the sidewalk and fell back into the lines of reality. The lines meant to keep everyone safe. Or maybe they just made them unaware. Unknowing. Unprepared. All of a sudden, that sidewalk felt so small. So restricting. Like an obligatory boundary he couldn't escape that him forced him into a mold he didn't want. Shaping him into the idea of normal. A normal man walking to work. Oh how disappointed they would be when they saw the truth.


	2. Chapter 2: The Fall

He wished he had a happy ending. A tale of how, after he walked down those stairs, his eyes met those of an angel. That this angel brought with her meaning and fulfillment. That he was happy because he found someone who was different. Who would never leave. But when he walked those streets, he found no angel. Just the empty, hardened, uncaring, indifferent eyes of the people who accepted the mold of the sidewalk. When he walked those streets. He was still alone. Because he never found his angel, he never found his meaning. And just like their pity shrank until it just wasn't worth it, so did his purpose. It shrank every day until he stood upon that building once again. And he looked down at that same sidewalk one last time.

All this time his purpose was too small to defeat his inner demon. Or maybe it never existed at all. Maybe it was just his small, insignificant hope that one day everything would change. Giving into the guilt was not worth the pain of continuing his walk. The walk through the path of lies where he deceived every one he passed. Made them believe he was content. That he lived a life that left no wants at the end of the day when, in reality, all he had were wants. Wants and wishes that would never come true.

So he didn't give in to the guilt or the purpose he always yearned for. And with the wind blowing through his hair, he finally gave a smile. A real smile of relief and a joy that came at last. And in his mind he apologized to her. To the girl he wished he had. Because he never gave her a chance to walk into his life.

Maybe after his last experience with the sidewalk, he would open his eyes and meet sweet Eleanor. They had so much in common. With them their names would go, and no one's soul would be saved, as the father would walk away, wiping away the dirt from his hands. Wiping away the last memory the world would ever have, of all the lonely people who walked this Earth.


	3. Chapter 3: The Awakening

My eyes opened. The first thought that crossed my mind as I stared into the bright lights bursting from that white ceiling all I could think of was that all the stories of Heaven and Hell were true and this was where Jesus would tell me how awful I had been and throw me into the fire-engulfed dungeon of Hell. Then I came to my senses and realized I should have jumped off a higher building because a dungeon of fire would have been better than this prison.

The nurse that had been fixing the cast on my right leg, which I realized was only one of many, looked up and saw I was awake. I wanted to hide away from the disgusting look of pity she gave me, I always hated that. So I said my life sucks, so I cut myself, so I jumped off a building, who cares? It's better than the crap some people trudge through. I brought this upon myself, I knew what was happening, I knew what I was doing. So don't pity me, pity the ones who have it forced upon them.

I discovered later that I had been dead for 1 minute, so close, but they managed to 'save' me. I was left with both legs broken, including my right femur, a dislocated shoulder, 3 broken fingers, 2 broken ribs (one of which punctured my lung), my left arm was broken in 4 places and my neck was fractured. They claimed I was lucky, lucky my neck didn't break and paralyze me, lucky they were able to bring me back. I think they were lucky I couldn't move yet.

I was ready to break out. Ready to leave this stupid place where they constantly addressed me as though I were some pathetic idiot just because I jumped off a building. You don't have to be unintelligent to hate your life, you just have to have bad experiences and I happen to have more than enough of those. I swear no one ever understands that. And then there are the people that say suicide is selfish because people would miss you and it would be cruel to put them through that sort of pain. Well, I can assure you no one, and I mean NO ONE, would have missed me.

The hospital decided that I was anti-social. That I needed to be exposed to more people and develop relationships so I would understand the joy that bonds create as well as the pain of losing them. Then maybe I would see how stupid I was for jumping off a building. And that, my friends, is why I'm now sitting in a white room…with my new roommate. Yay.


End file.
